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My search of friendship,

Is disappointment;

My search of completeness,

Is a disappointment;

Because I search here,

In the giant outside world,

Among different people,

Who are not like me,

Not like a part of me.

I like their body,

Because it’s not a hide like their heart;

I like their smiles,

Because they look same as mine.

But what is in there?

And what in me I wish is?

I think they don’t match,

They are so different.

So why do I care,

Really care,

To look into refuge as them;

Let me then look into myself,

Where I have already found you,

Found my soothing refuge in you.

And let me then

Dance at every disappointed beat,

To remind myself

Your presence;

And in your wait,

Your painful absence.

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Broken Tigress

I am in a mobile cage, with transparent bars. It moves around the kingdom freely. But I am still a prisoner, imprisoned to material freedom. And emotionally I am tied by chains. My heart has a leak, or holes. I guess too many holes, both for inlet and outlet. I am talking of illegal transportation. 

I know I am imprisoned and inaudible, but often I find myself hoping a release. I know I shall be released, within 5 or 7 years, or a little longer. 

And right now I slumber in disappointment and distress, and hopelessness of present.But sometimes, I rebel like a courageous fool, cry my heart out, in spite knowing that nobody hears.

In this lonely tiresome, tied with chains, behind mobile bars, I move according to my choices sometimes, and inside it lay like a broken tigress, ever breaking down and healing a little, occasionally.

It is fine.

I thought I could explain you,
No but I couldn’t.
I thought you would understand me,
No but you didn’t.
Its fine, is what he taught me,
So I remain where I should;
And yes, he did teach me,
To never give up on you,
So I don’t give up, but
But change my path to you,
For you are blind to my condition,
And I can try no more to teach you.

Tears

My tiny tears are unreliable, unfaithful;

They jump out, when I don’t want

Or I don’t need; in festive season,

Between happiness and rituals,

They don’t care, don’t see

How I don’t want them to be falling.

And so influential they are,

Affect my eyes and my nose, that blush,

Red and pale, sick my face looks;

How do I teach my tears, its festival,

And we don’t cry in happiness,

We don’t hurt people who hurt us,

Because it is a festival,

We swallow anger and depression. 

But these tears are rutheless;

Eyes see, but waters still,

When some of you pierce my heart

With tiny knife and tiny cuts;

Its bleeds not red but salt water,

And these tiny cuts do heal in time,

Leaving some scars behind,

And some cuts are over cut ,

With new and old knife,

And eyes water shamelessly,

Without seeing, its a festival,

And heart at so young an age,

Pains and aches, gets hopeless,

What shall happen if it heal not again,

When rutheless tears force out of eyes,

When festive moods are broken down,

And face turns pale and swells sound?

And the change remains unchanged?

Longing

Nights are long when I am awake,
Nights are cut short when I sleep,
Even though I drag you in conscious dreams,
You often miss my unconscious screen;
And often you come in adverse identities,
So sometimes I wake up more confused,
To love which version of you,
I ask it to which version I know not;
Response is thus seldom made,
That makes my morning or lights my night,
Tired or not, I still wait,
Longing for conscious, unconscious dreams,
Longing for your arms around me,
Longing for that kiss, before I sleep. 

THINE EYES BY MINE

I REMEMBER NOT A FIRST SIGHT,

YET EVERY LOOKS AS NEW,

FOR I DO DEEP IN MY MIGHT

DREAM ALL I CAN OF YOU.

WHEN I TRAVEL A BUSY DAY,

FULL OF MANY STRESS AND BAD,

WHEN I REMAIN LIMITED TO SAY

HOW THE ALL SUN WENT SAD;

WHEN MY GOOD DEEDS BETRAY

A BLAMELESS FOOL ON ME,

AND TEARS DRIVE AWAY

AS DROWNED MY ALL DAY BE;

MY FACE ALL DULL REMAINS IN

AND DRIES OUT OF SELF SHAME,

GUILT I HOLD OF TINY SIN

FOR MY HEART CANNOT BE TAME.

O! YOU UNKNOWN OF MY FALL,

CAST A FAIRY LOOK,

AND MY HEART IS CLEARED OF ALL

THAT ON ME TOOK.

YOUR FAIR AND YOUNG FACE,

SOAKED ALL MY CRIES,

YOUR CRYSTAL EYES THAT GLAZE,

HAVE DRIED MY EYES.

THINE EYES BY MINE

I REMEMBER NOT A FIRST SIGHT,

YET EVERY LOOKS AS NEW,

FOR I DO DEEP IN MY MIGHT

DREAM ALL I CAN OF YOU.

WHEN I TRAVEL A BUSY DAY,

FULL OF MANY STRESS AND BAD,

WHEN I REMAIN LIMITED TO SAY

HOW THE ALL SUN WENT SAD;

WHEN MY GOOD DEEDS BETRAY

A BLAMELESS FOOL ON ME,

AND TEARS DRIVE AWAY

AS DROWNED MY ALL DAY BE;

MY FACE ALL DULL REMAINS IN

AND DRIES OUT OF SELF SHAME,

GUILT I HOLD OF TINY SIN

FOR MY HEART CANNOT BE TAME.

O! YOU UNKNOWN OF MY FALL,

CAST A FAIRY LOOK,

AND MY HEART IS CLEARED OF ALL

THAT ON ME TOOK.

YOUR FAIR AND YOUNG FACE,

SOAKED ALL MY CRIES,

YOUR CRYSTAL EYES THAT GLAZE,

HAVE DRIED MY EYES.

Farewell

I could hardly draw a letter,
Or a letter of appreciation;
A letter of farewell;
A letter of tears.

Four lines are insufficient,
Or are less worthy,
To show how we would,
Would, miss and wish you.

Yes! We are luckiest,
Or are we the saddest?
We did get years with you,
Yet, this farewell, too fell to us.

Sir! You don’t want a farewell,
Sir! We don’t want a farewell;
But this retreat could last no longer,
Yet there shall be more treats.

There is no class to be held,
But functions & teachers, still here,
So will you have to join in pleasure,
Every time we invite, everywhere.

So will you have to come,
And keep in touch forever;
Think us, your eternal students,
Think us, your eternal admirers.

Drinking

Your face melts into shine,
And I drink it in one glimpse;
My eye is coloured in glow,
In taste of such sight
As yours: fair and feathered,
In creamy foam of youth!
I fill it in my eyes,
And drink in closed shutters,
Your smiles and stares, altogether,
Pour it through my heart,
To my deep imagination,
And here arouses, affects
Of digestion; that my visions
Travel in fantasized world,
Flies and tickles in tongue,
And tickles my whole body,
For someday, as you,
Who, stay far away and yet,
A sight slips through the heart,
And eyes drink to quench me of you!

Funerals

Some hours ago she must have been there,
I know she was there, in weakness and despair,
Still and ill, in hospital bed,
All by her side, through her ailing
And suffering red carpet;
A month ago, I saw her in colours,
Deep and bright of clothes,
A happy weak heart within;
She is distant, and my sympathies are thus,
Weak or poor; yet I knew her.
But the body is lost in fire,
And soul has elapsed in air,
Somebody who lay,
Yesterday,
And is no-body in few hours.
No turning back, but no foot rise,
To move away in despise.
One new born, the funerals offer,
Memories of their lost mother,
To hold on her image, and walk
When no face shall smile or talk.

How I like fire

I get solace in fire,
In the fiery blaze,
Not of desire;
Of a ruined village.
I like the yellow and red,
I like it rising high,
Blackening beneath bed,
Falling ashes in sigh.
Fire can burn and blast,
The mortal flammable mind;
The ashes all left in past,
Soothing my dejected kind.
The heart which burns, remembers
Not a painful scar;
Death arrives before tears,
And takes the soul far.
I would like to die under fire,
Before meeting pain,
Or should like fire, I be admire,
And burn everything plain!